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Be Careful What You Wish For: A Dark Academia Reflection on I Am Not Jessica Chen

You are striding across a centuries-old campus—Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard, take your pick—on a crisp autumn afternoon. The wind tugs at your coat, the scent of old books lingers in the air, and you clutch a leather-bound notebook as you hurry to your next lecture on (insert an esoteric topic of your choice). This is the world of Dark Academia, where knowledge is power, mystery lurks in dimly lit libraries, and ambition burns brighter than candlelight. 

Dark Academia is a literary genre that was inspired by the academic aesthetic which revolves around the pursuit of knowledge, classic literature, and self-discovery. The subculture gained traction in 2015 when a Tumblr post showcasing a Harry-Potter-style home interior went viral, solidifying the gothic and scholarly aesthetic. The literary genre follows a similar pattern, weaving together themes such as intellectualism, mystery, and repression. A number of classic literature and recent novels have been classified as fitting the Dark Academia subculture, for instance, Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray, J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series, and R. F. Kuang’s Babel

Dark Academia aesthetics in homes

My official introduction to the genre was M.L. Rio’s If We Were Villains, a novel about a murder mystery that happened in a prestigious conservatory, where the group of main characters studied acting, particularly Shakespeare. I was completely drawn by the overall suspenseful and gloomy atmosphere of the story, and I also enjoyed reading about the characters’ learning processes, a deep dive into Shakespeare and how they had come to incorporate Shakespeare references and quotes in their daily exchanges. After If We Were Villains, I went on to devour more Dark Academia books, and felt emotionally connected to a lot of them. That is why, I was beyond ecstatic when I came across Ann Liang’s TikTok video promoting her newly released Dark Academia book, I Am Not Jessica Chen, which she described as “The Picture of Dorian Gray X this is me trying.” I thought: Dark Academia AND Taylor Swift? I’m so in.

Cover of If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Ann Liang is a New York Times bestselling author famous for her young adult fiction. Born in Beijing, she grew up traveling between China and Australia and is currently based in Melbourne. Her novels contain tropes like academic rivalries in highly competitive schools, which evoke a sense of the dark academia aesthetic. Liang herself also went to an academically rigorous school in Beijing, so some of her writings were based on her own experiences. I Am Not Jessica Chen is her first official Dark Academia novel, blending her signature themes with the genre’s intrigue and intensity.

Picture of Ann Liang, author of I Am Not Jessica Chen

Before we dive into the Dark Academia themes of I Am Not Jessica Chen, let me first provide you with a spoiler-free summary. Jenna Chen, the protagonist of the novel, is a struggling art student at the cutthroat Havenwood Academy. Her biggest wish ever is to be like her perfect cousin, Jessica Chen, who is the star student of the school and soon-to-be Harvard freshman. Remaining as a disappointment, Jenna makes an impossible wish—to become Jessica. And to her shock, it comes true. As Jenna navigates Jessica’s life in her body, she realizes that perfection comes with its own price. But the most unsettling part? People are starting to forget that Jenna Chen ever existed…

LIGHT SPOILER ALERT!!! The following sections may contain light spoilers (anything in addition to the summary above) for I Am Not Jessica Chen. If you want to fully experience the book for yourself, proceed with caution!

This analysis will mainly focus on three Dark Academia themes—intellectual elitism, existentialism, and repression and identity.

  1. Intellectual Elitism:

The theme of intellectualism and academia is definitely evident in I Am Not Jessica Chen. Just by looking at the summary—Harvard, cutthroat school, perfectionism—one could easily tell. The novel does an excellent job of portraying the high-stakes nature of school life. 

As Jenna steps into Jessica’s world, she is suddenly thrust into her cousin’s packed schedule: grueling classes, intense extracurriculars like debate, and constant exams.

“They’re the neatest notes I’ve ever seen, everything organized by theme, then again by chronological order, and divided into three points of significance and main scholarly debates. Keywords have been highlighted and color coded according to a strict system: green for dates, blue for people, red for statistics, orange for quote. […] Jessica was definitely prepared for today’s test. She was prepared for everything.” —Ann Liang

Having Jenna study with Jessica’s world politics notes and take the test in Jessica’s place reveal what it takes to be the top student at Havenwood. Jenna scores a 91 on that exam, her personal best, and yet her teacher asks if she was sick during the exam or something happened at home because 91 is not “up to [Jessica’s] usual standards” (Liang 120).

Studying and scoring hundreds is everything at Havenwood, and this fact is not only applicable to the perfect Jessica Chen, because everyone wants to be top one; everyone has to become top one at school. One student at Havenwood remarks, “‘I always schedule in ten minutes a day to cry, so it doesn’t interfere with my productivity'” (Liang 81).

Beyond the academic intensity, the novel also plays with intellectualism through its artistic lens. Jenna Chen is an art student, and our protagonist as well as narrator. Because we see the reality through Jenna’s eyes, there are many vivid sensory details, an abundant use of colors, specifically. Moreover, colors are also utilized as symbolisms of emotions, which I believe my fellow Swifties are no strangers to (Hint: Loving him was ____). 

In all honesty, I would prefer a more detailed depiction of Jenna’s engagement in her art classes and more theories of art, but since she was living Jessica’s life, we weren’t shown that much of Jenna’s original life. Additionally, Jessica takes the most advanced classes of each subject and is the most well-rounded student at Havenwood, yet I believe it would be more interesting and compelling if she also has a particular craft that she is most passionate about. That way we could gain some more insights on surviving intellectualism in Havenwood besides obtaining awards and acing exams.

  1. Existentialism:

This theme is where things get exciting for my fellow fantasy lovers! Many dark academia books contain fantasy elements although they are not a requirement. I Am Not Jessica Chen is no exception. When Jenna wishes to become her cousin, Jessica, the last thing she would imagine is for the wish to actually come true. This premise leads us to think many things: why doesn’t Jenna want to be herself? Does she dislike herself, or does she just want to be better? What entails better? Later on, we learn that this phenomenon that occurred because of the wish is not a classic body-swapping or soul-exchanging one. Rather than Jenna stepping into Jessica’s life while maintaining her own identity, the world begins to forget that Jenna Chen ever existed. It starts small—her parents casually mentioning she’s “away on a trip”—but soon escalates. Her belongings disappear from her home. At an art exhibition, her self-portraits remain, yet no one recognizes her, and the labels list no artist name or statement. (There is an elegant reference to The Picture of Dorian Gray here which I love, btw). But is this what Jenna wanted? Would these eerie occurrences make her want to go back to her own life? These questions fuel the deeper exploration of existence, self-worth, and purposes in the plot.

Another approach we can begin to think about existence is through Jessica’s perspectives, or rather, the absence of it. While we see Jenna’s journey firsthand, we never truly get inside Jessica’s mind. Both Jessica and Jenna were present together on the night of the shooting stars. What did Jessica wish for? If Jenna’s wish came true, what about Jessica’s?

“Of course Jessica hadn’t applied for any safety schools at all, because she didn’t need them. Her getting into the Ivies was already a foregone conclusion, a fate carved into stone for her probably since she was still in the womb. She’s just that good. That unreasonably, unfathomably perfect.” —Ann Liang

As the quote shows, Jessica is the manifestation of perfection itself, not merely a proximity. She also lives in a big delicate house and gets 700 dollars each day as lunch money, alone. Anyone who knows Jessica would be dying to know what more she could possibly wish for.

These questions prompt us to think about the meanings of a brilliant life. It is definitely evident that Jessica cares about excelling at school from her participation in all the extracurricular activities and her flawless notes for each class. Moreover, she is also under the influence of intellectualism and perfectionism at Havenwood. She is beyond elated to be admitted into Harvard. But what else defines a meaningful existence and life? When being perfect is everything you need in life, how much does expectations weigh?

  1. Repression and Identity (slightly more spoilers!)

Oppression is not a foreign topic when it comes to Dark Academia. R.F. Kuang’s Babel exemplifies this theme brilliantly through the representation of colonialism and linguistic erasure in the 1800s. While I Am Not Jessica Chen takes place in a modern setting, it still engages with themes of cultural identity, assimilation, and the pressures of success within an elite academic environment. 

Jenna’s and Jessica’s parents emigrated from China, and settled down in the United States for a better life. Their fathers were the only members of their family who “made it,” creating a legacy of high expectations and unspoken sacrifices. The Chinese identity is presented in not only the occasional Mandarin exclamations in daily conversation, but also in the ordinary rituals of an Asian household, the traditions they uphold, and the weight of their family’s aspirations. Unlike some Dark Academia novels that explicitly confront racial and class struggles, I Am Not Jessica Chen doesn’t dwell heavily on overt discrimination at Havenwood. However, one moment stands out—during Jessica’s debate club meeting, Jenna is confronted with the topic of whether “imperialism is a justifiable means of spreading knowledge and new technologies to weaker nations” (Liang 114). For the sake of spoilers, I will not disclose the results of the debate. Nonetheless, the weight of this moment is undeniable. Jenna is no longer just debating an abstract historical concept—she is carrying her family’s history, the echoes of past generations, and the invisible burden of proving her worth in an environment that wasn’t built for her. The idea that she must even entertain the justification of imperialism, a force that has directly shaped and harmed people like her, is a moment of deep, unsettling irony. Because who would ever imagine having to justify their own existence?

My Personal Review:

Liang’s writing style gives I Am Not Jessica Chen a refreshing twist on the Dark Academia genre. Having previously written YA romance and rom-coms, she brings a romantic yet lonesome atmosphere to this novel, blending the melancholy of Dark Academia with a wistful, dreamlike tone. Besides, I really love that most of Liang’s published books until now have been following a female protagonist navigating academic spaces. The novel also engages deeply with themes of identity and self-worth, particularly through the lens of the Asian diaspora experience. Drawing from her own background, Liang crafts a realistic and compelling story while adding in fantasy elements and a whimsical tone. 

I think this book will be for my girlies who enjoy dark academia and also are hopeless romantics, as well as anyone who has struggled with self-acceptance and wished—even for a moment—to become someone else. If this unprofessional review has convinced you even a little, I truly hope you’ll pick up I Am Not Jessica Chen. I promise it will be a good time!

Finally, I will share a question with you that you can consider while reading this one: in a world that constantly pushes us toward perfection, what does it truly mean to exist as ourselves? In other words, who are you, and who are you NOT?

cover of I Am Not Jessica Chen by Ann Liang

Featured Image: photos gathered from Ann Liang’s instagram


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