My In’s and Out’s as an Asian American

artwork by Elaine Zhou

By Aashi Shukla

I lay in bed, my phone screen lighting up the dark room as I doom scroll on TikTok. 2024 is a week away and the New Year’s resolutions have already started to fill my “for you page,” except there is something different about this trend. The concept of In’s and Out’s describes both what’s being left behind while setting realistic goals for the new year. In’s and Out’s lists are “particular to their makers, incorporating personal tastes and beliefs, sense of humor, and informed (or uninformed) predictions to create a vision for the year ahead.”¹ To me, the question is more like, “What am I leaving behind as I grow and what am I taking into this new era?” I’ve long viewed resolutions with a degree of skepticism, often seeing them as little more than performative gestures, lists of lofty aspirations that often feel disconnected from our current realities. But as an Asian American, I felt it was fitting to tailor this trend to reflect not just my own ambitions as a young social media addict, but also the goals I hold for myself within this community due to the insufficient representation of our diversity. 

INs 

1. Oiling My Hair

Exploring diverse Asian beauty practices has become an integral part of my daily routine, blending cultural influences from across the continent. Incorporating elements such as the intricate Indian hair care rituals — renowned for their oiling techniques — alongside the meticulous skincare regimens inspired by Korean and Japanese traditions, has enriched my self-care journey. Additionally, the allure of Middle Eastern perfumes adds a sensory dimension to my everyday looks, infusing moments with exotic fragrances. I’ve learned to embrace the truth that skincare isn’t one-size-fits-all: what works wonders for one person may not necessarily yield the same results for me. I’ve been able to find out what practices work best for me while also subverting the Eurocentric beauty standards that our faces are supposed to look a certain way.

2. Connecting Through Food

Since coming to NYU, I’ve come to realize that the mundane Roti and Sabzi that I routinely ate at home have become what I need most when I miss my family. Cooking has become more than just trying to feed myself in college: it’s a deeply personal exploration that ties me back to my roots and brings me closer to my mother. The smell of Tadka Dhal and Aloo Gobi Sabzi, some of my favorite Indian dishes that my Amma makes whenever I visit home, fill my heart with warmth. Beyond the kitchen, I’ve discovered the profound power food has to unite people: whether it be gathering around a table with my family, sharing stories and laughter over a homemade meal, or introducing friends to the delicious flavors of Asian cuisine, every bite creates cherished memories and strengthens the bonds that make life truly rich and meaningful.

3. Appreciating My Asian-ness

Whether it’s taking a walk to the pier to watch the sunset kiss the water, or sharing a smile with a passing baby, I’ve been finding solace and happiness in the small wonders that surround me. But what truly makes me happiest is the daily ritual of calling my parents. Each conversation is made sweeter by speaking Hindi freely with them – speaking Hindi with friends and family creates a sense of intimacy and belonging that transcends distance and time for me. I can communicate with others without thinking about translating phrases, and English truly cannot compare to the beauty of Hindi. Even then, wearing Indian accessories to complement my everyday outfits has allowed me to express my identity with pride whether it be through the Jhumkas (traditional South Asian earrings) I wear when I’m missing my mom, or the Payals (engraved silver anklets), that jingle with my every step. And in the realm of community, NYU Nasha has evolved into more than just a dance team: they’ve become my second family, where shared passion for dance and mutual comfort foster one of a kind bonds that I’ve yet to come across in other spaces. I find myself remembering that there is happiness everywhere in these moments — I just have to pay a little more attention. 

OUTs

1. The Lack of South Asian Discussion within the Asian Community 

Navigating my identity as an Asian American has often left me feeling conflicted, hesitation and doubt filling me as I try to define my identity to others. Discussions around South Asians can often feel marginalized or overlooked, which highlights the need for greater inclusivity and recognition of the diversity within Asian cultures. In the past, Asian representation in the media portrayed East Asians who fit Eurocentric beauty standards, causing South and Southeast Asians to feel left out – to this end, I have been told that I am either ‘Indian’ (most South Asians are grouped as ‘Indian,’ problematic in and of itself) or ‘Asian,’ creating a disconnect between ethnicity and race. However, with star actors such as Simone Ashley, Liza Soberano, Avantika Vandanapu, Henry Golding, and Dev Patel, things are changing. Seeing these familiar faces and in a light besides the “nerdy loser” not only allows me to feel more open about my Asian identity, but shows the growth the Asian community has had as a whole. 

2. Blindly Following Social Media Trends

Amidst the sea of ever-changing trends, I’ve come to realize the importance of discernment and self-awareness. Moreover, the myriad of peculiar names assigned to every makeup trend can be bewildering, especially when many styles seem indistinguishable from one another. The “office bayonet siren” is probably my favorite to be honest – what does it even mean? Through trial and error, I’ve learned that true beauty lies in embracing what works best for my unique body and features. Although I do love the glitter and ethereal glow of Douyin makeup and the trendiness of Singaporean fashion, what suits me best are the pieces of each beauty and fashion trend I combine to fit me. 

3. Bye-bye People Pleaser Tendencies

Growing up as the eldest daughter in an immigrant family meant bearing the burden of being the perfect child. These expectations, passed down through generations, pushed me to always prioritize others over myself. Whenever fights broke out at home or within my friend group, I always instantly took the role of the mediator and often found myself having to deal with harsh words because of it. But because this was all I ever knew to do, it became a habit that stopped me from being able to express and stand up for myself. Navigating the complexities of people-pleaser tendencies as an Asian American intertwined with the weight of generational trauma and familial expectations has led to me break toxic habits. Learning how to say no has been a pivotal step in reclaiming my autonomy and self-worth, allowing me to embrace authenticity in my interactions and relationships.

So as I write this at 2 AM on a Sunday night, I’ve come to appreciate these innovative social media trends that force me to be introspective about my growth. I’m reminded of the nuanced challenges we Asian Americans face, from navigating generational trauma to fulfilling familial expectations, particularly as the eldest daughter of an immigrant family. The pressure to uphold perfection and prioritize others’ needs often overshadowed my own desires, often leading me to hesitate before speaking in fear of feeling disliked. However, I’ve begun to redefine my priorities, shedding old habits and forging a path toward self-fulfillment and genuine connection. In the In’s and Out’s trend, I’m reminded that growth isn’t just about setting goals: it’s about confronting the past, embracing the present, and shaping a future that’s truly my own.

Safalta (Aashi) Shukla is a second year student studying Economics and Applied Psychology on the pre-law path at NYU. She has a passion for social justice and activism and enjoys going to cat cafes with her friends.

1. Roy, Jessica. “What’s ‘In’ for 2024? In-and-Out Lists, Apparently.” The New York Times, 3 Jan. 2024, www.nytimes.com/2024/01/03/style/new-year-in-out-lists.html#:~:text=Common%20ins%20for%202024%20include,and%20 vaping%20are%20 popular%20 outs. ↩︎