Shōmakyō

Artwork By Lauren Yambao

By Melody Cai

There is a story 

A way my mother scared me out of my vanity

Stare into the mirror

And you will appear

I stare at your face

At the crimson river flowing down your cheeks 

Eyes gouged out into an abyss

You reach out a bloodied hand

Are you hoping for escape?

Or to drag me into your hell?

You lunge for me

I look away 

And when I return to you

You are twirling your hair and batting your eyelashes.

A painted-on smile that seems too perfect,

Too wide and inviting

Are you in love?

But your eyes give it away as they dart around like a maniac

Fearful and avoidant

Scanning and searching for a mistake in the mist,

To pinpoint all my flaws

I keep staring, trying to catch your eye.

You will not return my gaze.

You cannot return my gaze.

But I blink 

You transform again

This time your face is gaunt

Your porcelain pallor strikes me

Your eyes are large grey orbs

You are tired of staring into your soul and hoping for a change.

All you see is a pit devoid of spirit and light

I see the tears roll down your face

As they fall

And fall

And fall

You no longer reach for me.

Too preoccupied in your world

Who have you lost?

I ask my mother 

What is the horror in the mirror

Who is the demon in the eyes

Who is the ghoul in the curve of the lips

Who are you?

A shōmakyō she tells me

A Chinese spirit capable of transforming my reflection 

Into a distorted horror

A monster of myself

She tells me the spirit can sense pain.

No matter how long I spend fixing every strand of hair

or concealing the dark circles under my worn eyes,

And smearing on lipstick for any sense of colour,

I find myself unable to break free

From the flashes of the blinking figure that appears behind every pane of glass.

The shōmakyō, she whispers

The monster shapeshifts from your darkest,

most hidden thoughts,

Until you are forced to confront your own fears face to face. 

Terrified, I ask,
“When can the monster leave?

When can I see my face and just my face again?”

She laughs and tells me that there is no escape

That I can either shield myself from every reflection

Or confront my nightmares

Melody Cai is a first-year studying Politics in the College of Arts & Science. She is grateful for a chance to write something creative with Generasian.